The Strong Urge to Disconnect from Everyone

My deepest desire for social withdrawal and isolation.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

I recently started unfriending people on one of my social media accounts. I have been wanting to do it before but I always wonder if I should.

I felt bad unfriending them for no reason at all, but I finally gave in to my desire of unlearning the habits I had in connection with these people.

It’s my way of starting over, trying to become a different person, and relearning to be myself once and for all.

I do cherish all the moments I had and the friendships I built with them, but it’s becoming more like an obligation to keep it. I wanted to make changes in life and part of it is the people I surround myself with.

This phase is where I feel exactly how I did two years ago. I wanted to remove myself from wherever I was, and I did not know where to start. I felt bad removing people from my life just because we once had a great connection, and out of guilt, I chose not to.

Now, I felt like I had to follow a certain path just like where everyone is going, and I had to admit how I felt lost once again.

And it made me certain of what I don’t really want in life,

I don’t want to belong anywhere.

I don’t want to fit in a group.

I don’t want what they are doing.

I don’t want to chase promotions.

I don’t want to settle down.

I don’t want to chase higher income and more responsibilities.

I just want to be on my own, at peace and enjoying the pace I take. I am tired of explaining my choices. I am tired of living a life where I have to follow someone or another just because that’s how it worked for them.

Maybe this way of disconnection is my way of reconnecting with myself, to figure out what I truly want out of this life.

I have no idea what I should do next but, I am taking my time to figure out my next move.

I’m learning to own my life and willing to stumble along the way with the decisions I made for myself.

I may have no idea if my decision of cutting off people from my life will bring me regret or positive changes in the future, but that’s for me to learn.